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yay for ASCII art!
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Thought i'd contribute a lil something
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Thought of the day
Punks and hipster scum are cut from the same mold.....but hipsters have a better taste in music.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
ow!
I fucked up my toe! Funny story so I'm on my way to buy tickets to see Grindhouse with ten of me friends. We are going to see a midnight showing of it at the AMC on Illinois St. in Chicago. We bought the tickets and were waiting for a friend to show up. We started to head down the escalator when I saw him going up the other escalator. I turned around and started to run up the escalator to meet him at the top. I jumped to try to clear the top of the escalator when all of a sudden it turns into a stair. I fall of coarse and hit my foot against the edge of the newly formed stair. By the time I limp off the bottom of the escalator, the bottom of my foot is in a small pool of blood. Two of my toes are bleeding but I didn't notice until yesterday that I cracked my big toenail in half. The moral of the story, DON'T FUCK WITH ESCALATORS!!!
Monday, April 9, 2007
Top 5 Cult Films
5. Sweet Movie "WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!"
Words cannot describe the level of fucked up this film is at. This film goes from a woman getting pissed on by her wealthy lover to another woman doing a striptease in front of a bunch of kids (Gets really, REALLY uncomfortable when she gets really close to rubbing her vagina on one of the kid's head). The film is spoken in three different languages and the subtitles aren't the best, so it's sometimes hard to follow the story but still, what the fuck??? I'm sure this is all symbolic (food fights, golden showers, the vomitting, violent sex, body builders, the drinking of piss, the eating of shit, both of which are real, REAL, FUCKIN REAL!!!) Words can't describe this film. It is so brutal to watch yet you can't look away. It's like a freak show gone horribly wrong. The film follows a woman form being pissed on by the rich to being shit on by the poor, literalrily. It also follows a woman who captains a ship who picks up little boys and young men with candy and sex and then she brutally murders them. Fun for the whole family if you ask me.
4. Begotten "uh........hmmm.......I got nothing"
A black and white horror art film is crazy creepy. A movie in which god gives birth to mother earth by ripping her out of him with a straight blade razor. After that it gets a little hazy. Their is bondage in the desert and then cannibals come and then I started to silently vomit. The grainy black and white film adds to the creepiness of the movie as well as the weird soundtrack. You watch begotten and proceed to lose all faith in everything and not really know why.
3. Terror Firmer "Aroma de Troma"
Ever wondered what it would be like to work on a low budget movie movie while a homicidal killer picks off your crew members one by one. Troma is at it again with there zany antics and off the wall humor (Troma, been making fun of AIDS since 1988 and proud of it). This movie is all out fun with such classics in the making like, death by bong hit, twin barrel breast explosion, vomiting french men, the list goes on. It isn't everyday that you see a 12 year old girl shove a boom mic into a hermaphrodite's vagina. With such famous cameos like Ron Jeremy, Lemmy Kilmeister, and ................Joe Franklin??? Terror Firmer is a great Troma film and one of the funniest over the top films I have ever seen.
2. Aftermath/Genesis "Don't die in Spain"
Granted they are two different movies, they are short films so I counted them together. Aftermath has more necrophilia and vaginal stabbing than your average movie but goddamn if it isn't beautiful. Both Aftermath and Genesis is directed by Ignacio Cerda who has an amazing cinematography style. Both movies do not have a lot of dialogue in them but it's so morbidly beautiful that you won't even notice.
1. ILLSA She Wolf of the SS "...one way ticket to hell"
This film couldn't have been made at any other time than the 70's. The fact that this film was even made is astounding. So it's WWII and Illsa is running a concentration camp that runs tests on the threshold of pain the human body can withstand. While this is going on she is also castrating the male inmates who can't satisfy her in bed. This film is full of sex, torture, and just scenes of "what the fuck am I watching" moments. I honestly feel like viewing this movie cripples any chance I have of becoming a normal person.
Words cannot describe the level of fucked up this film is at. This film goes from a woman getting pissed on by her wealthy lover to another woman doing a striptease in front of a bunch of kids (Gets really, REALLY uncomfortable when she gets really close to rubbing her vagina on one of the kid's head). The film is spoken in three different languages and the subtitles aren't the best, so it's sometimes hard to follow the story but still, what the fuck??? I'm sure this is all symbolic (food fights, golden showers, the vomitting, violent sex, body builders, the drinking of piss, the eating of shit, both of which are real, REAL, FUCKIN REAL!!!) Words can't describe this film. It is so brutal to watch yet you can't look away. It's like a freak show gone horribly wrong. The film follows a woman form being pissed on by the rich to being shit on by the poor, literalrily. It also follows a woman who captains a ship who picks up little boys and young men with candy and sex and then she brutally murders them. Fun for the whole family if you ask me.
4. Begotten "uh........hmmm.......I got nothing"
A black and white horror art film is crazy creepy. A movie in which god gives birth to mother earth by ripping her out of him with a straight blade razor. After that it gets a little hazy. Their is bondage in the desert and then cannibals come and then I started to silently vomit. The grainy black and white film adds to the creepiness of the movie as well as the weird soundtrack. You watch begotten and proceed to lose all faith in everything and not really know why.
3. Terror Firmer "Aroma de Troma"
Ever wondered what it would be like to work on a low budget movie movie while a homicidal killer picks off your crew members one by one. Troma is at it again with there zany antics and off the wall humor (Troma, been making fun of AIDS since 1988 and proud of it). This movie is all out fun with such classics in the making like, death by bong hit, twin barrel breast explosion, vomiting french men, the list goes on. It isn't everyday that you see a 12 year old girl shove a boom mic into a hermaphrodite's vagina. With such famous cameos like Ron Jeremy, Lemmy Kilmeister, and ................Joe Franklin??? Terror Firmer is a great Troma film and one of the funniest over the top films I have ever seen.
2. Aftermath/Genesis "Don't die in Spain"
Granted they are two different movies, they are short films so I counted them together. Aftermath has more necrophilia and vaginal stabbing than your average movie but goddamn if it isn't beautiful. Both Aftermath and Genesis is directed by Ignacio Cerda who has an amazing cinematography style. Both movies do not have a lot of dialogue in them but it's so morbidly beautiful that you won't even notice.
1. ILLSA She Wolf of the SS "...one way ticket to hell"
This film couldn't have been made at any other time than the 70's. The fact that this film was even made is astounding. So it's WWII and Illsa is running a concentration camp that runs tests on the threshold of pain the human body can withstand. While this is going on she is also castrating the male inmates who can't satisfy her in bed. This film is full of sex, torture, and just scenes of "what the fuck am I watching" moments. I honestly feel like viewing this movie cripples any chance I have of becoming a normal person.
Top 5 Cannibal Movies
5. Cannibal The Musical (Flesh eating............with singing and dancing.)
Trey Parker and Matt Stone have come a long way since their first movie Cannibal The Musical. This was the student film from college which means it's a Troma movie. This movie is as funny as it is gross. It's reala comedic look at a life cannibal (Albert Packer) who ate his wagon party to survive. I know what your thinking, "Sounds hilarious." Will it is. If your a fan of South Park and haven't seen this movie, your missing out.
4. Cannibal Holocaust, or Jungle Holocaust, or Cannibal Ferox. "pretty much the same movie."
Most of these films are the same, Jungle, check. European "civilized" explorers, check. Native "savage" cannibals, check. Hot cannibal female love interest, check. Horrible inhumane murders of animals that are real, check. All of these films are pretty much the same in their delivery but with different story lines. The violent of the three would go to Cannibal Holocaust. The more sexual of the three would be Ferox. The latter would be Jungle, NOT FOR THE WEAK STOMACHS!!!
3. 2000 Maniacs "The south shall rise again...........don't eat their food"
A southern town is celebrating their anniversary by kidnapping Yankees, then torturing and eating them. HOLY SHIT IS THIS MOVIE FUN. Considered to be one of the first gore films from the legend H.G. Lewis this is a an all around great and fun horror film. All the while they are torturing the yankees they still have that "Southern Hospitality," which makes this movie so fun. This movie is old, it was made in the 60's for christ sake. H.G. Lewis didn't even have a rubber arm, it was a mannequin. All that aside if you want to see a fun Cannibal film that's a little bit more serious than Cannibal the Musical, check out 2000 Maniacs.
2. Parents. (I already ruined this for you)
Okay funny story, I went to Specialty Video and Andy, who was working there at the time, recommended a film called "Parents" I picked it up and just saw that Randy Quaid was in it. Without even looking at the synopsis, I rented it without knowing what it was about. HOLY FUCKING MOSES was I in for a treat. This movie is a about a disturbed child that is growing up in the 50's and has parents who are cannibals. It is a dark satire of the 50's and is wonderfully shot. The dream sequences are crazy and everyone is just plain scary. This did to the 50's what American Psycho did for the 80's. If you do decide to see this movie try to forget what it's about and just sit back and enjoy.
1. TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974)
If you have not seen this movie, how are you my friend!?
So that's it and if you would like to agree or disagree with any of my choices feel free. Most importantly feel free to add your own movies. As long as it's not Silence of the Lambs. That movie is more about Buffalo Bill than Hannibal Lector and Hannibal just plain sucked. Silence of the Lambs would be in my trans-gender film list if I ever make one..............OH ROCKY.
Trey Parker and Matt Stone have come a long way since their first movie Cannibal The Musical. This was the student film from college which means it's a Troma movie. This movie is as funny as it is gross. It's reala comedic look at a life cannibal (Albert Packer) who ate his wagon party to survive. I know what your thinking, "Sounds hilarious." Will it is. If your a fan of South Park and haven't seen this movie, your missing out.
4. Cannibal Holocaust, or Jungle Holocaust, or Cannibal Ferox. "pretty much the same movie."
Most of these films are the same, Jungle, check. European "civilized" explorers, check. Native "savage" cannibals, check. Hot cannibal female love interest, check. Horrible inhumane murders of animals that are real, check. All of these films are pretty much the same in their delivery but with different story lines. The violent of the three would go to Cannibal Holocaust. The more sexual of the three would be Ferox. The latter would be Jungle, NOT FOR THE WEAK STOMACHS!!!
3. 2000 Maniacs "The south shall rise again...........don't eat their food"
A southern town is celebrating their anniversary by kidnapping Yankees, then torturing and eating them. HOLY SHIT IS THIS MOVIE FUN. Considered to be one of the first gore films from the legend H.G. Lewis this is a an all around great and fun horror film. All the while they are torturing the yankees they still have that "Southern Hospitality," which makes this movie so fun. This movie is old, it was made in the 60's for christ sake. H.G. Lewis didn't even have a rubber arm, it was a mannequin. All that aside if you want to see a fun Cannibal film that's a little bit more serious than Cannibal the Musical, check out 2000 Maniacs.
2. Parents. (I already ruined this for you)
Okay funny story, I went to Specialty Video and Andy, who was working there at the time, recommended a film called "Parents" I picked it up and just saw that Randy Quaid was in it. Without even looking at the synopsis, I rented it without knowing what it was about. HOLY FUCKING MOSES was I in for a treat. This movie is a about a disturbed child that is growing up in the 50's and has parents who are cannibals. It is a dark satire of the 50's and is wonderfully shot. The dream sequences are crazy and everyone is just plain scary. This did to the 50's what American Psycho did for the 80's. If you do decide to see this movie try to forget what it's about and just sit back and enjoy.
1. TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974)
If you have not seen this movie, how are you my friend!?
So that's it and if you would like to agree or disagree with any of my choices feel free. Most importantly feel free to add your own movies. As long as it's not Silence of the Lambs. That movie is more about Buffalo Bill than Hannibal Lector and Hannibal just plain sucked. Silence of the Lambs would be in my trans-gender film list if I ever make one..............OH ROCKY.
Top 5 Vampire Movies
5. Valerie and Her Week of Wonders. (Czech vampires?)
Valerie is a Czech new wave film that's trippy as all hell. The Vampire in it looks a lot like Nosferatu and the craziest thing about this movie is IT'S BRIGHT AS ALL HELL. Valerie is a surreal film to say the least. It's considered to be more like Alice in Wonderland than anything else but it's still a vampire movie. Valerie, who is protected by her magic earrings must face an evil vampire, her own aunt who was promised youth and beauty from the vampire, and a perverted preacher. Promoting a lesbian relationship and condemning the church makes this an amazing film from a communist country. Valerie is a coming of age film that is wonderfully told and beautifully shot.
4. Lost Boys (Joel Schumacher made a film that didn't suck, sorry but I'll never forgive him for Batman and Robin)
Keifer Sutherland, a bad ass vampire with a bad ass mullet. Jason Patric the too cool for school vampire that must fight to survive. Corey Haim and Corey Feldman.......................were Corey Haim and Corey Feldman. This movie had it all, motorcycles, 80's mullets, and a feeding scene with an Aerosmith soundtrack. Most of you probably have seen this movie, so I won't get to deep with it. My only complaint is they killed Alex Winter far too early in this movie. I how can you kill Bill from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure first.
3. Nosferatu (Silent but deadly................man that's lame)
When I saw this movie at the Music Box (the greatest movie theater in all of Chicago land) it was playing with live organ music which was fuckin sweet. The fact that this film was actually shot on location in some creepy Eastern European castle gives Count Orlock that much more of a creepy aura. Some people might find this movie boring but it's from the 1920's for christ sakes and Nosferatu still looks creepy as hell. If you were to see one silent movie that isn't a Buster Keaton or Harold Lloyd film than see this.
2. Salems Lot (CREEPY FUCKIN KIDS)
A Stephen King novel that actually made a good movie?!?!?! What the deuce? It's true, Salem's Lot ranks in with Carrie, The Shining, and the first half the IT. The effects played the biggest part of this movie especially with the kids. THE VAMPIRES ARE AWESOME!!! For those of you who haven't seen this master piece, a vampric plague washes over a small town consuming all in it's path. This is for anyone who wants to see a genuinely scary film about vampires.
1. NEAR DARK (Let's take half the cast of Aliens and make the greatest vampire movie ever)
Forget those snotty, gothic, Anne Rice vampires. These vampires are dirty and "human." This is the first movie to shows vampires like a normal all-american nuclear family that happens to drink blood. Bill Paxton, Lance Henriksen, and Jenette Goldstein, all from Aliens, travel the country in pimped out RV collecting family members to help them feed. This movie is like a western or Bonnie and Clyde but with vampires. The scene with the youngest child bursting into flames while chasing after his human girlfriend is actually heart breaking. This movie is phenomenal!!!
Of coarse the orginally Dracula is great as well as Blade, and Roman Polanski's comedy Fearless Vampire Killers. It seems with every good vampire film there is a boat load of crap that follows. Dracula 2000, Blade 3, Queen of the Damned, and UNDERWORLD come a long and suck the life out of the genre!!! Comments and Suggestions are always welcomed. Got a favorite not mentioned than tell me about it.
Valerie is a Czech new wave film that's trippy as all hell. The Vampire in it looks a lot like Nosferatu and the craziest thing about this movie is IT'S BRIGHT AS ALL HELL. Valerie is a surreal film to say the least. It's considered to be more like Alice in Wonderland than anything else but it's still a vampire movie. Valerie, who is protected by her magic earrings must face an evil vampire, her own aunt who was promised youth and beauty from the vampire, and a perverted preacher. Promoting a lesbian relationship and condemning the church makes this an amazing film from a communist country. Valerie is a coming of age film that is wonderfully told and beautifully shot.
4. Lost Boys (Joel Schumacher made a film that didn't suck, sorry but I'll never forgive him for Batman and Robin)
Keifer Sutherland, a bad ass vampire with a bad ass mullet. Jason Patric the too cool for school vampire that must fight to survive. Corey Haim and Corey Feldman.......................were Corey Haim and Corey Feldman. This movie had it all, motorcycles, 80's mullets, and a feeding scene with an Aerosmith soundtrack. Most of you probably have seen this movie, so I won't get to deep with it. My only complaint is they killed Alex Winter far too early in this movie. I how can you kill Bill from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure first.
3. Nosferatu (Silent but deadly................man that's lame)
When I saw this movie at the Music Box (the greatest movie theater in all of Chicago land) it was playing with live organ music which was fuckin sweet. The fact that this film was actually shot on location in some creepy Eastern European castle gives Count Orlock that much more of a creepy aura. Some people might find this movie boring but it's from the 1920's for christ sakes and Nosferatu still looks creepy as hell. If you were to see one silent movie that isn't a Buster Keaton or Harold Lloyd film than see this.
2. Salems Lot (CREEPY FUCKIN KIDS)
A Stephen King novel that actually made a good movie?!?!?! What the deuce? It's true, Salem's Lot ranks in with Carrie, The Shining, and the first half the IT. The effects played the biggest part of this movie especially with the kids. THE VAMPIRES ARE AWESOME!!! For those of you who haven't seen this master piece, a vampric plague washes over a small town consuming all in it's path. This is for anyone who wants to see a genuinely scary film about vampires.
1. NEAR DARK (Let's take half the cast of Aliens and make the greatest vampire movie ever)
Forget those snotty, gothic, Anne Rice vampires. These vampires are dirty and "human." This is the first movie to shows vampires like a normal all-american nuclear family that happens to drink blood. Bill Paxton, Lance Henriksen, and Jenette Goldstein, all from Aliens, travel the country in pimped out RV collecting family members to help them feed. This movie is like a western or Bonnie and Clyde but with vampires. The scene with the youngest child bursting into flames while chasing after his human girlfriend is actually heart breaking. This movie is phenomenal!!!
Of coarse the orginally Dracula is great as well as Blade, and Roman Polanski's comedy Fearless Vampire Killers. It seems with every good vampire film there is a boat load of crap that follows. Dracula 2000, Blade 3, Queen of the Damned, and UNDERWORLD come a long and suck the life out of the genre!!! Comments and Suggestions are always welcomed. Got a favorite not mentioned than tell me about it.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Why my writing skills have gone down hill.
Did you know that holding in sneezes destroys multiple brains cells? because I sure as hell didn't.
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